Why, in 2009, are we asking ourselves what women look for in a man? After all these years, is it not possible that men don’t know the answer yet?

In the movie, “What Women Want,” a man began to learn what women really do want. And, it wasn’t anything like he thought it would be. In this movie, Mel Gibson played a man who (because of a strange electrocution accident which resulted in a slight head injury) is able to hear what goes on inside women’s heads. He is shocked and confused by what he hears because it is so unlike what he thought women were thinking.

Gibson found out that women want men to listen to them when they talk. He found out that women are not bowled over by good looks or great bodies. He found out that women are strong and opinionated and not bound to fall for the tricks that men pull.

So, what are women looking for? They are looking for men who are honest and caring. They are looking for a man who can listen to them without staring a hot babe who happens to walk by. They are looking for men who are independent thinkers, powerful yet not overbearing, and treat them as equals.

Note that I made no mention of men with money, men with muscles, or men with hot cars! Women are not looking for this. However, as Marilyn Monroe once said, “Don’t you know that a man being rich is like a girl being pretty? You wouldn’t marry a girl just because she’s pretty, but my goodness, doesn’t it help?”

So, if you are a kind, gentles, generous, considerate, trustful, trusting, attentive man – you’ve got the goods. If you are all of those things and have a great body, a nice car, and a pocketful of cash, well yes it does help!

In order to find a mate, make friends, and live a healthy, vibrant life, it is necessary to be yourself. But not only to you need to be yourself, you need to showcase parts of your personality that really show who you are. By advertising yourself, much like a product, you will attract more women, more friends, and get better jobs.

Showcasing your personality is not an easy thing to do. Nor, is it something that you can do overnight. In fact, you need to do some research on yourself before you figure out what it is that you should showcase.

I have a friend who thinks he is terribly funny. He attempts to showcase his sense of humor as one of his greatest personality traits. The problem is – he isn’t funny. And, the more he showcases his “sense of humor”, the less attractive he becomes. Thus, you need to get some serious, realistic feedback on what it is about you that makes you attractive.

Ask your friends and family to describe you. If they say you are funny, you probably are. If they say you are mean-spirited, you probably are, too. Be prepared to hear things you don’t want to hear. But, in the long run, the input will be valuable.

Once you have figured out the parts of your personality that truly do benefit you, you need to put them out there. If you are caring, let more people know about that. That doesn’t mean wearing a shirt that says, “I’m Caring!” It means you need to show your caring self more often. If people tell you that you are energetic, show your energy and use it in powerful, beneficial ways.

Before you bring out parts of your personality, you MUST know what suits you and what is genuine. By obtaining information from other people about who you appear to be to others, you will be armed with the information to start showing more and more people who you really are!

During the years, the ideal place to meet a woman has changed. At one time, men were simply set up by their families (and in some parts of the world, this still happens). In the early part of the last century, most American men met their future wives in high school. By the 70’s, men met their dates in bars or disco’s. In the 80’s, it was Thursday night at the grocery store. In the 90’s, it was in rehab. The new century brings a new way of meeting your next girlfriend – online.

Once thought of as tacky and a refuge for “desperados”, online dating is now considered to be a perfectly normal and viable way to meet a girl. By putting yourself online and searching for girls, you are taking a pro-active approach to dating that other less confident men are not.

There are many types of online dating services. Some services attempt to hook you up for a single date and are aimed at connecting to like-minded people. Oftentimes, these are simply sexual encounters rather than first steps toward a full relationship. Be careful what you get into!

Some sites are specifically aimed at a religion, sexuality, or race. If you are a black, Jewish, homosexual, there is still a dating site for you!

Other sites are aimed at creating a full-fledged relationship right off the bat. Sites like Match.com or Eharmony.com are intended to match two fully compatible people together.

So, yes, you can meet more girls by using an online dating site. But, rather than simply going for quantity, you should really aim to be looking at quality. It is far more fun to find one person to date regularly and often than it is to date numerous girls for a short term. So rather than asking whether online dating can help you meet more girls, you should ask whether online dating can help you meet the RIGHT girl – and yes, it can!

Some of us weren’t born with excessive height. Even more of us have too much weight for our height. In other words, we need to at least appear taller to support the bulk we are carrying around. Many height-challenged have the misfortune of dating people who are not just inches, but often a full head taller than them, so dressing to appear taller can be important.

For women, it is easy to appear taller. Wear heels. Period. Even by adding an inch, you will see the difference. This is easy to do when you are dressing up, but not so easy in every day life.

For casual attire, there are several ways to go. Women can wear tennis or casual shoes with higher heels built in. Of course they aren’t built for a jog around the block, but they can still be comfortable. Some flip-flops are also made (and oddly enough, they are very popular right now) with higher soles.

You can also fake people into thinking that you are taller by doing several things. They don’t call it “big hair” for nothing! Pile that hair up on the top of your head for a few extra inches. The higher, the better!

Vertical stripes also work! By wearing a pair of pin-stripe pants, you will appear taller. A long, tight-fitting blouse or jacket with thin stripes will also increase both your virtual height but also reduce your size. Clothes that are tighter will make you appear taller (and slimmer). If you have ever seen a short person with large, baggy pants, you will notice how much shorter they seem. The opposite can also be true. Put tight-fitting pants on the same person and they will seem taller.

For men, high heels are not really an option, although traditional dress shoes do come in heels up to 1″ high. Anything higher than that, and people will know you are “heightening”. Feel free to put an insert into your shoes for a few extra centimeters.

The best thing both genders can do, however, to increase their virtual height, is to stand up straight. Standing up straight can add several inches to your height instantly. Remember what your mom used to tell you – put your shoulders back, your chest out, and stand up straight!

No! The answer is No! For all of you guys grunting, and seating, lifting weights at the gym – I have news for you. The only people you are impressing are the other guys in the gym and yourself. I don’t know a single woman who is attracted to a muscle-bound man.

This may seem strange to you men. You think that a great physique is the sign of a healthy body and vitality, but it’s not true. For many women, a man with a hot body is considered vain, and vaguely homosexual. Take a look around you – every homosexual man I know takes great care of himself, goes to the gym regularly, and has impeccable grooming. Heck, they even smell good.

There is also a mentality that men who spend that much time working on their bodies are covering up for other “issues”. Any way you look at it, a guy with a great body doesn’t have a great reputation.

What women do like, however, are men who are simply fit. A guy who runs because he loves it, or a guy who is tan and fit because he swims regularly are far more attractive than a studly weightlifter.

Besides all that, however, a woman will fall for a personality, a smile, sweet eyes, or a loving personality far sooner than they will fall for bulging muscles. Think of all the couples you know – famous or otherwise – where the man is odd-looking, not in great shape, or seemingly unattractive – and the woman is stunning. Rocker Ric Ocasek and supermodel Paulina Porizkova – he’s almost scary looking, and she is incredibly beautiful with a stunning body.

So, the answer is no, women do not fall for guys because of their body. The time you spend in the gym, you would be better spending working on your conversation skills, picking out better looking clothing, or brushing your hair. Don’t worry about your muscles, worry about your brains, your spirit, your soul, and your sincerity.

If you have ever seen a teenage girl in her freshman year of high school, you will almost always see a girl who has no clue as to what her personal style is. She is a cookie cutter copy of what she sees in her friends, in magazines, and on television.

As a fully-grown adult, you know better. You know that copying a style just because it is in fashion can make you look ridiculous. Being 30 years old and wearing pants that sag enough to show your boxers is not attractive. A 40 year old woman with long hair and short-shorts is not good either. So, not only do you need to know YOUR style, but you need to understand that what is in fashion for a teenager doesn’t work once you are out of college.

One of the best ways to understand and identify your own style is to talk to your friends. Have them truthfully describe your personality, style, and attributes to you. What you think you are may not be the case. A true friend (or family member) will give you insight into who you really are.

Identify people that you admire or who you align yourself with in a style sense. If you see similarities between yourself and Johnny Depp, take a closer look at his style. He is relaxed, rarely dressed up, with casual hairstyles and some form of facial hair. Is that you? Or, do you align yourself with George Clooney? He is well-dressed, more open and affable than Depp, and has a sophisticated style. Is that you?

This doesn’t mean, of course, that you need to dress just like Depp or Clooney, but you can identify their style and fashion yours on that. Depp may be more casual, so take some of what he wears and stylize it with a little you. If you are aiming to be more Clooneyesque, find a nice blazer, some good looking pants, and dress it down with a t-shirt or casual shoes.

The point is, of course, that once you find your personal style, you will immediately appear more confident and attractive. Women love a man who is comfortable both in his own skin and his clothes. Confidence in your style converts to attractiveness.

Some of the best conversationalists I know are the people who say the least. They are the ones who listen. And, that is the key to starting up a conversation with a girl – let her do the talking!

Most men, no matter how old they are, have troubles starting up conversations with girls. How is this possible? Women LOVE to talk! Let them talk! On average, a woman speaks 7,000 words every day. A man speaks 2,000. So, let her do the talking.

Starting up a conversation just takes a little imagination. If you see a girl you are interested in, all you need is a “hook” – a small way to reel her in, and the rest will be easy. If she has interesting shoes on, tell her you like them and ask her where she bought them. She’ll talk for hours. If you know her from school, ask about a class she is taking. If you know she likes a sport or a band, ask her about that.

The key to good conversation is to never ask a “closed end” question. That is, never ask a question that can be answered with either a “yes” or a “no”. Asking a girl, “Do you like this class?” will get you nowhere. But asking a girl, “What other classes are you taking?” will elicit a longer answer. Then follow up with a question about one of her other classes. And, so on.

Be careful, though. I once knew a man who did this with such precision that you felt like you were on a game show when you talked to him. It was annoying and it seemed intrusive. After an hour of talking with him, it occurred to me that he had revealed absolutely nothing about himself, yet had asked me question after question. Make sure that your initial questioning eventually ends in a fair “give and take” of information.